there’s an intersting article about mediation here. any conflict is an ‘unmet need’ and it as mediators we need to look at our own unmet needs in order to help others. the article is really just a teaser, not filled with detail. it did lead me to another article on the same site about a self-inquiry process called the ‘work’ by byron katie. the process consists of 4 inquiry questions to be used when any thought or belief causes pain.

the first two questions are: Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it is true?

the mediator expects to get a yes to the first question and a no to the second question. how can we every absolutely know when something is true. the idea is to put some cracks into the story & truth you’ve been believing and arguing for.

question 3 is: How do you react when you think that thought?
the thought being your side of the story in the conflict. you’re really getting to the impact your side of the conflict has on you.

and question 4: Who would you be without the thought?
if you didn’t feel this way, or keep going with the same story w/in this conflict, how would it change your life?

and you can also work on ‘turning around’ the original statement from something like ‘she’s not nice to me’ to ‘why should she be nice to me’ or ‘i should be nice to her’ as ways to think creatively and differently about the conflict.

there’s an example in the mediate article and lots more ways to elaborate on those 4 questions is on katie bryon’s site.

i had some conflict this afternoon so i think i’ll give this a go with that issue.