as soon as i heard

as soon as i heard my student loan had come thru i had these really mixed feelings. i’m really glad it did since my backup plan was kind of crap (hang out in germany & kentucky) and since i’m really excited about this new professional direction. i’m also having massive doubts. i love nyc so much that i don’t really want to leave. can i really deal with being a full time student, not being able to work much & being really poor? can i just deal with being a student again (gonna be really weird)? am i going to like melbourne? how am i going to feel the first time i see boy? and what am i gonna say? what am i supposed to do with these feelings i’m starting to have for zurich boy? do i really want to be 14 hrs away from all my friends? grrr. i mean, i’m definitely going, just having a lot of butterflies. i can’t remember if i was this shaken when i moved to london or not. my stress level was at an all time high then which it’s not now but i don’t remember having a lot of “shit, is this the right thing to do” type feelings.